This is a hard one to write.......
I know that alot of sen parents have to deal with this issue on a daily basis....myself being one of them!
Having a child who is physically violent towards you!........
I can hear all the different comments in my head, peoples reactions and views when hearing about this kind of behaviour from a child......
People who don't have sen kids and have no contact with any in their daily lives.....truly don't "get it".... you can attempt to explain to them and some do listen but sadly most dont!.....their opinion is that you are the adult and violence is not acceptable!! Which of coarse it isn't!!
But.......
This issue is the hardest thing that we as parents have to deal with.....always being on guard incase something is thrown in your direction, being prepared to defend your head from slaps or having your hair pulled, being kicked whilst trying to change or dress a large child, trying to control them when outside as they have a meltdown and try to run from you into oncoming traffic......mustering all the strength in your body to do so......would we take this from anybody else?? Our partners?...our neuro typical children?.....family and friends??
So why do we?.........why?
Cos they are our babies!! They are vulnerable, they are confused, scared, unaware what they are doing is causing us harm, they simply have no control in those moments and simply need to lash out to control the emotions that are going crazy inside them at the time........I call these moments "the red haze"....it is literally like something possess her and my baby disappears, her eyes aren't hers....they go blank......she looks through me.....with crazy eyes!!!
These moments break my heart....to fear what is gonna happen as your child runs towards you with that "look" and not knowing what the next 5, 10, 20, 30 or more minutes will bring! 😥
You don't fight back.....you defend....you can't snap them out of it.....you have to endure.....you can't bargin or distract them.....you just have to cope and get through it!
Now the physical violence is one thing....bruises heal.....but having your child shout and scream, swear and spit at you is mentally exhausting! Its belittling and makes you feel like you've failed as a parent!
Having a child with these behaviour issues causes families to isolate themselves, feeling they can't cope with them and the reactions of others out in public.
They struggle with day to day life.....choosing to shut themselves away rather than face the outside world......I've been there.....its not a good place to be....it felt like the easy option at the time but unbeknownst to me was doing me more harm than good.....I wasn't dealing with the fact that my daughter had "issues".....I was afraid of what people would think of her.....and of me! I didn't and still don't fully understand what is going on in her head and feel like a failure because I can't make it all better for her! I felt safer behind a closed door!!
Luckily for me I had an amazing support network! Not everyone is as blessed...they saved me!
Things are quite different for me now.....still hard, but my focus and mind set are clearer.....having mollie has made me a better person.....I believe!
I do what I do now in the hope i can just help even one family to not struggle or feel as low as I did.....to let them know that they aren't alone in this journey, that we are all learning about our kids on a daily basis..... we all have the strength and fight in us to get all the support out children need now and for the future....
Believe me......if I can do it.....so can you!!